When recipients responded to our MiraclesWaiting listing and asked for our spare embryos we asked them a lot of personal questions. I always felt bad about prying but obviously we needed to make sure we didn't give embryos to anyone abusive or incapable of good parenting.
There were a lot of things I wanted to know that I didn't ask any of the potential recipients. Some things are too personal. I didn't even ask the women we finally picked any of the things below. They are the parents. Since I don't have or want input on their parenting it is not my right to ask how they would parent.
Here's what I didn't ask that I would have liked to know:
1) Would you give your child soda?
2) Do you think children should watch TV?
3) How are the schools where you live?
4) Is there any abuse in either of your families?
5) Is either of you a recovering user of drugs or alcohol?
6) Are you setting up a college fund if you have children?
7) How will you child-proof your home?
8) Does either of you have depression or other mental illness?
Stuff like that. Why didn't I ask these prying questions? I chose to spend a month corresponding and speaking with the potential recipient couple to get a first-hand sense of what these answers might be. It was less intrusive and more accurate to read between the lines than to alienate the recipients by prying. In my job I am required to assess patients and get a sense of their mental health, physical health, lifestyle and skills. My track record is good.
Ultimately, I had to find people I trusted to be good parents then let them at it. And I had.