Wednesday, March 21, 2007


The Missus thought I should have the recipients over to our place when they headed North for their transfer of our embryos. I thought it was a bad idea. The only reason I could come up with was that most people don't do it. Why? I didn't know.

And Sonia had a some aces up her sleeve. She was adopted. She always knew she was adopted. She met her birth mother. She donated eggs to friends of ours. She knows their children well. They know she is their donor. They consistently express emotions about this that range from pride to neutrality. Sonia's birth mother even met her biological grandchildren and shared family medical information with the twins' mother. The twins' reaction to meeting their genetic grandmother? Polite boredom.

None of this openness caused anyone to have any confusion about who their real parents were (answer: the people who raised them, whether or not they had a biological tie to their kids).

My only other reservation was that the recipients might become angry if the embryo transfers didn't work or if something was wrong with their kids from my eggs. If they reacted to their disappointment by suing us or revealing our family name to anyone else it would threaten our children's futures. Our kids were not making the decision to participate in embryo donation or to have more siblings living in another family. They might grow up wanting nothing to do with the other kids, though I couldn't see why that might be. Still, they deserve their own right to privacy. If I revealed our name or address to the recipients I was potentially denying my children a future, and very personal, choice.

So we covered these possibilities in the embryo donation contract. None of us is allowed to discuss the embryo donation with the media, except anonymously. Neither can we reveal identifying details about the others to anyone else. We can discuss what we are doing with our friends and family but we cannot tell them the recipients' last names or address. They must do the same for our family.

Legally we were covered. Emotionally I remained uncertain.