TRUE MARRIAGE

Do you know anyone who got legally married knowing there was no possibility to legally divorce? My wife and I did. We were married by a Justice of the Peace in Canada (though they call them something else there). Canada extended its Charter of Rights and Freedoms to gay couples in 2003. Before that date, gay Canadians were second class citizens.

Because gay Americans are still not equal under the law, our marriage is not recognized in our home country. We are joyously married but if we were not, there would be no mechanism for us to divorce here. Unless we were Canadian citizens or legal residents for over a year, we could not divorce in Canada either. We married knowing that it would not be possible for us to change our minds unless our elected leaders suddenly came to their senses and granted us our civil rights.

Thousands of gay couples have happily made the same permanent union in Canada. Bigots say our marriages are not "real". In an era when those like Brittany Spears get married and divorced as quickly as some people change their underwear, gay couples who legally marry are the only ones making lifetime commitments to one another.

OUR EMBRYO DONATION AD

I had feedback that some readers cannot click through to MiraclesWaiting, so here is the text of my embryo donation ad:

Adoption laws discriminate against lesbians so we're hoping to help level the playing field with our donation.

AD DETAILS:

Preference of living distance from recipient:
Doesn't matter

Information about the embryo(s):

Number of embryos available
3

Overall embryo batch quality
These embryos were frozen immediately to give the best chance of successful thaw later so their quality is unknown. The embryos we did not freeze from this batch were near-perfect. Pregnancy carried to term on first try for each of two IVF transfers.

Year frozen
2005

Name and city/state of clinic where embryos were created
New Jersey

Stage when frozen
2PN

Day frozen
1

Any children resulting from this batch of embryos?
Yes

Number of children born from fresh cycle
1

Number of children born from frozen cycle
1

Any other children? (If so please explain)
Had one baby from first fresh cycle, one baby from first frozen cycle.

We had a 100% thaw rate with the embryos we transfered for the frozen cycle we did.

Implantation occured on first try for each of our children with two viable embryos implanted each time (i.e. one singleton pregnancy was carried to term from both of the two transfers we did).

We want to donate these embryos to a couple facing discrimination in adoption. We know it can be wonderful for both the donor & recipient families because we already have the experience of interacting with another couple's kids who happen to share half their chromosomes with one of us.

One of us had an IVF cycle (without pay) to donate 22 eggs to friends who wanted to have kids when they were in their late 40's. We see them & their twins several times per year. Their kids are like cousins to our kids. We don't expect that level of interaction from this donation but if it worked for both families we would make ourselves available.

We are two women who both wanted to be part of creating our kids (one partner gave eggs, the other partner carried the resulting pregnancies). We were not infertile when we had IVF, it was just the only way for us to both get onto the birth certificate.

Embryologists at the Abraham Center reported in Reuters Health that transfers with embryos from patients who are not infertile have up to twice the success rate as when using embryos from patients with infertility.

Female Information: (If an egg donor was used, enter the info for the egg donor)

Was egg donor used?
No

Age at time of IVF cycle
37

Race:
Caucasian

If other please state race:
Jewish

Eye color:
Green

Hair color:
Medium Brown

Height:
5'10

Blood type:
A+

Education/employment background:

Two Master's Degrees. Work in health care field. Employed full-time. I attended an Ivy League university. SAT: 1350 of 1600 (720 verbal, 630 math). Tested IQ 136. I speak two foreign languages fluently and two others conversationally.

I love to travel, learn from different cultures & read. I'm a bicycle tourer who has crossed several countries by bike, including the US.

Religion:
Jewish

Ethnic background (eg. German, Scottish, etc.)
Austrian Ashkenazi, Dutch Sephardic, German, Polish

Male Information: (If a sperm donor was used, enter the info for the sperm donor)

Was sperm donor used?
Yes

Age at time of IVF cycle
28

Race:
Caucasian

Eye color:
Brown

Hair color:
Medium Brown

Height:
5'8

Blood type:
A+

Education/employment background:
Medical Doctor. SAT: 1460 of 1600. Undergrad at Emory University in Atlanta. Attended med school in Boston. His dad is Jewish, his mom is Catholic. Since I'm tall (5'10") we used a semen donor of average height (5'8"). Pediatrician says one of our kids is consistently exactly average height/weight. The other is tall and slim.

Religion:
Catholic

Ethnic background (eg. German, Scottish, etc.)
Jewish, German, English, Irish, Italian

Hobbies/Interests/Other info (Please also clarify any answers from above or include any info you would like to share)
Semen Donor: martial arts, running, art. Medical doctor.

Couple with Embryos: we are two women, together almost a decade. We have two wonderful, healthy children from these embryos. We're done having kids. Our kids have been tested for every Jewish & Mediterranean disease and are negative. The state in which we gave birth tests for 60+ other genetic diseases. The kids were negative for everything.

Our Babies (see photo above): brown eyes, blond/light brown hair, fair skin. Both are very happy and affectionate. Little one is extremely engaged by people, toddler has advanced attention span, musical and fine-motor skills.

We prefer a lesbian couple to receive the embryos because lesbians are barred from adopting in most states and countries. Lesbians have to go through the adoption process twice, in states where they are even allowed to adopt: one partner adopts as a single parent, the other goes through the whole process again later as a second parent adoption.

We are interested in donating to a family willing to be honest with the kids about their conception in an age-appropriate manner. For instance, we have a great story book about IVF using donor gametes called "Before You Were Born: Our Wish for a Baby".

We would like an occasional update on your children. We would like to share info as our kids all develop (especially medical details). It would be nice to have some sort of mutually agreed upon contact between siblings at an appropriate age.

It would be great to find a couple who will raise their children to embrace their Jewish heritage. It's unlikely we can find a Jewish lesbian couple, so we're flexible but we strongly prefer a lesbian couple.

Until such time as all loving couples have legal equality in forming and protecting their families, we're donating only to a lesbian couple to do our little part to level the playing field.